Plan of Attack: April

Goodbye, March.
Hello, April.

Let’s start things off on the right foot, shall we?

Goals:
1. To restart (and keep up with) my stats calendar.
2. To make (and keep) weekly exercise goals.
3. To make (and keep) weekly caloric goals.
3a. To keep track of and record (if not publically) my calorie intake each day.
(I think I may start using thedailyplate.com — I’ll keep you posted).
4. To keep track of and record my blood pressure (if not daily) than at least 4 times a week until my Doc’s appt at the end of the month.

(April) Week 1 Exercise Goals:
Monday: 30 minutes cardio
Tuesday: 30 minutes strength training
Wednesday: rest
Thursday: 30 minutes cardio + 30 minutes strength training
Friday: rest
Saturday: 30 minutes cardio + 30 minutes strength training
Saturday: 30 minutes of either (depending on my mood)

Note: These are all minimums and, I think, based on my previous exercising regiment, entirely doable. In fact, I think I am capable of more, but I want to see how this first week goes before raising the stakes.

Gosh… just setting these goals feels so productive.

The truth is, I think I am constantly setting and renegotiating goals in my mind. Each morning (especially in the shower) I make deals with myself about what I will and won’t do that day. Many times the goals I sent in the morning while trying to ready myself for the day are unrealistic… and because they only exist in my mind, it’s easy to toss them aside when the going gets rough. This is different. Not only does writing them down make them feel more official, but you know, it’s that whole accountability thing. Knowing that all of you *know* about them and that you will (ever so gently) hold my feet to the fire if I don’t follow through, makes it more difficult for me to just throw in the towel.

Knowing that I have a doctor’s appointment at the end of the month helps too. For some reason, I am always so motivated to take off as much weight as possible in the weeks before going to the doctor. I can remember when I first started seeing this doctor and how I could tell, even though he was encouraging, that he didn’t really believe me when I said that I was going to lose weight. And, after all, who could blame him? I mean, I’m sure he’s seen hundreds of patients who need to take off the pounds and who claim they are going to, but who just aren’t able to make it happen. I’ve been there. And, believe me, I failed dozens and dozens of times before I ever experienced any kind of success. What’s more, I’m sure that my vow, albeit good intentioned, probably seemed like a long shot… after all, all told, I probably had a good 180lbs to lose — and that’s no small feat.

Little did he know how stubborn I am. What he didn’t realize (or maybe he did) is that I would find his well founded skepticism regarding my ability to shed over half my bodyweight to be something of a challenge. As ridiculous as it sounds, when it comes to my doctor, I’ve got a definite case of the “hmmpft! I’ll show him!’s” I realize, of course, that this isn’t the healthiest motivation, but at this point, I’ll take whatever motivation I can get.

Anyway… tonight I’m gonna party like it’s my birthday — because it *is* my birthday!

And then I’m gonna grab April by the balls.
This is going to be my best month yet.

Happy Monday, everyone!

PS: I’m counting this post as my HYC update for this week! :)

I Don’t Know Where To Begin…

I was talking to a friend at work the other day and explained to her that, lately, for reasons I don’t really understand, I’ve been feeling so sluggish. I feel like I have ZERO energy and that just making it to work and back each day is a chore. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I’m not sick. I’m not under a great deal of stress (as I was in February). I don’t feel like I’m being exceptionally lazy, I just feel like I *can’t* do anything beyond what I am minimally required to each day. That said, while this week was not a disaster, it certainly wasn’t a triumph in the “getting healthy” department either. I overate (mildly) on most days and didn’t exercise even once. Not the way I wanted to spend the month of March, I can tell you that.

So… as I said, I was talking to my friend at work. She’s a nice girl, a few years older than I am, and definitely a holistic liver. If it’s not organic, raised in a cruelty free environment and good for you in some way, she doesn’t eat it. She doesn’t subscribe to the mainstream medical establishment either and believes in nurturing your health from the inside out. Put another way, she lives the way I want to — albeit a bit more to the extreme. Anyway, I was telling her about how I was feeling sluggish and she said, without blinking, “oh, it’s the pollen.” I’m sure my expression said, “um… huh?” because she then went onto explain that right now there’s a ton of pollen in the air here, (she’s right, each afternoon I go out to my car to go home and find it covered in a thin dusting of yellow pollen), and that pollen is a foreign substance, and when our bodies take it in, (through breathing), it’s bound to have an effect. She theorized that our bodies have to work pretty hard to expel any foreign substance, and thus, makes us feel sluggish and overworked.

Hmmm.

I’ll be honest, I’m not sure how much of that I buy into, but I’ve been giving it some thought this week (while I haven’t been exercising).

My other theory is a little more distressing. For about 6 months now, I’ve been taking blood pressure medicine to regulate my previously out of control blood pressure. That fateful day last July when I went to the doctor and he basically told me that if I didn’t lose weight, I would die, my blood pressure was 208/105. Yeah. I know. Anyway, despite my objections, fears and deep, deep misgivings, I followed the doctor’s orders and started taking BP meds in order to get those numbers down. From the beginning, I’ve told myself that this would only be temporary and that as soon as the weight was off, that I’d quit taking it. So, here it is 8 months later, and I’ve taken off 65lbs, changed by diet drastically and incorporated exercise into my life in a way that it never has been before – and I find myself wondering if maybe my blood pressure is dipping too low. Is it possible that my natural blood pressure is dropping due to these changes and that meds are taking it down to a level that is leaving me with no energy?

Of course, this is all conjecture on my part. What I need to do is start monitoring my blood pressure on a regular basis, but I’ve tried that before without success. When I first started taking the BP meds I bought SEVERAL BP cuffs and they either didn’t fit or didn’t work until I *finally* gave up. Thing is, blaming my lack of energy on LOWER blood pressure could just be wishful thinking on my part, but finding out for sure is much easier said than done. *sigh*

Maybe the thing to do is to just quit making excuses and get off my ass.
Of course, that *too* is easier said than done, right?

Anyway, in brighter news I decide to join in Felicia’s “photo fun” day post. She had the brilliant idea of taking specific pictures every once in awhile to help us all get to know one another a bit better. The first one is themed “Where do you sit?” Basically, the idea is, take a picture of where you plant your bottom when you’re on the computer posting about how you *should* be exercising. :) Here’s my spot. My husband and I actually have an office elsewhere in our house, but (unless we’re having people over for dinner) we keep the computer at the dining room table (which is just off the living room and kitchen) so that working on the computer doesn’t mean that we have to be in a separate room. Between the two of us, the computer is used a lot and it just feels too isolating to have to have to sit in the office to work on it. This way too, he can peek over my shoulder when he wants to and make sure that I’m not fibbing about anything, (not that I would, of course!) Anyway… I look forward to seeing some of your spots!

And finally, one more thing before I close. Against my better judgement, I *did* weigh yesterday.

254lbs – 255.3lbs = +1.3lbs
Yeah. I’m up.

*sigh*

(Oh. And yes, I changed my theme again. I’ll try to stick with this one for a bit).

I am weak.

I’ve been undone by fresh strawberries and lightly sweetened whipped cream (the real stuff).

Not just tonight.
Not just last night.

But three nights in a row.

I am weak.

So, so weak.