Fat as Hell…

and not going to take it anymore!

Making Progress (Sorta)

Over the last month or so Andrew has done a series of posts on the lessons that losing over 100lbs and exponentially increasing his fitness level has taught him. If you subscribe to the idea that the struggle to be healthy and fit never really ends, then Andrew’s journey is nowhere near over, but he’s far closer to the “maintenance” aspect of weight loss than I am. That said, however, even though I haven’t lost 100lbs (yet) or even reached the halfway mark of my total weight loss goal, I feel like I’ve still learned a few things that are as true now as they will be when I do reach these milestones in my own journey. To that end, one lesson that I find myself having to learn over and over again has to do with how difficult all of this to do when I spread myself too thin (you’ll have to pardon the pun). Indeed, exhaustion is not part of the recipe for success when it comes to weight loss. And this week, I’m exhausted.

Part of what’s beating me down this week is the job I took to supplement my income over the summer. It’s laughable, really, because it’s literally just a part-time job at a local bookstore. I’m not digging ditches, installing roofs, building houses, rustling cattle or anything else that might be considered “manual labor” and yet this job is kicking my ass. Seriously, being on my feet all day is so much harder than I remembered it. Back (in the day) when I was in college I worked lots of on-my-feet-all-day kinds of jobs, and I don’t ever remember feeling the way I do when I come home from work now. I’m telling you, being old and fat is a bitch. :)

But what’s worse is the fact that being tired all the time has totally weakened my resolve. I’m doing so-so when it comes to eating right. I’m sure I’ve gone over, in the calorie department, at least once or twice over the last few days, but I don’t think it’s been by much. The real problem is that I’ve been too tired to record everything at the end of the day (which for me, at this point along my own person road to thin, is a crucial part of my success) and too exhausted to exercise. That said, even though I didn’t post about it (I was too tired) I did weigh in on Saturday and was up .2lbs which is about the equivalent of 2-3 large strawberries, so I’m not terribly worried about that. However, I didn’t really plan on spending the summer just maintaining my current weight loss. I’ve got a lot more pounds to lose and they’re not going to come off if I don’t put some effort into to taking them off. Of course, that’s easier said than done when you’re totally and utterly pooped.

The truth is, though, that I can’t really blame all of my exhaustion on my job (even though, I swear to you, it’s killing me). Part of the problem has to do with stress of another kind. Last week, I was tentatively diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. It won’t be official until the results of the ultrasound (that I’m having done tomorrow) come back, (which may be another week or so), but my gynecologist said she’d be shocked if the ultrasound doesn’t support her conclusion. I don’t know everything there is to know about PCOS, but basically, as I understand it, my body isn’t making enough estrogen and is instead making too much androgen, which has led to a number of symptoms/problems that are too unpleasant and, at this point anyway, too personal to discuss here. Anyway, I don’t anything for sure yet, but I know that it is on my mind constantly, making it difficult to sleep (even though I am physically wiped out).

I suppose, when I think about it, it’s not all bad news, though. Some things that I know I am doing right include:

  • taking a multi-vitamin every day
  • drinking plenty of water
  • stretching before going into work (just like I would before going for a walk or doing any other kind of exercise).
  • limiting the amount of refined sugar/white flour in my diet as I know these don’t translate into prolonged/sustainable energy.
  • Not giving up or seeking comfort in food — as the old me would have done.

Some things I need to improve upon include:

  • recording my calories.
  • exercising — this really isn’t an option.
  • letting go of the stress that’s related to things that I can’t control.
  • remembering that even though I ignored my body for a long time that I am doing the right things now.

So… yes, I do work tonight, but I’m going to try to do at least one of the things on my list of “must do better” while also giving myself a gold star for trying to work through these issues rather than just throwing my hands in the air and jumping, headlong into a chocolate brownie torte with white chocolate mousse and caramelized bananas (not that I’ve given it any thought). :)

I think sometimes we all, (myself included), tend to spend a lot of time lamenting how long it takes us to come to what can seem like some pretty obvious conclusions about ourselves, our bodies, and what it takes to lose weight — when, in the end, what’s really important is that we learn these lessons at all.  Today that’s what I’m trying to focus on.

I *am* learning and it’s *not* too late.



July 7, 2008 - Posted by | losing weight | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


  1. It certainly is a learning process. And the time will pass anyway, so why not make it healthy? I think you’re doing great. As long as you never give up, you WILL reach your goal :)

    Comment by Lyn | July 7, 2008 | Reply

  2. I have to agree that this whole weightloss/fitness thing takes so much energy and focus. It seems like my whole life revolves around it and some other stuff tends to get somewhat neglected.

    Comment by AndrewE | July 7, 2008 | Reply

  3. Indeed losing weight overwhelms one’s life. But the rewards are well worth it-It’s rough tho, so I understant how u’d be tired with that extra job. Hang tough and rest if you need it. Just try not losing any ground by letting all go to waste. Have a good week,

    Comment by K. | July 7, 2008 | Reply

  4. It’s hard work to lose weight. I often feel as though it’s a second full time job: the meal planning, purchasing, preparing… the exercise, and let’s not forget the blogging.

    Just gotta remind myself it’s all worth it – a lot easier to remind myself of that when it’s working too.

    Comment by Christine | July 7, 2008 | Reply

  5. I was diagnosed with PCOS about a year after having my now 9 yr old son. It’s insane, and creates much drama for this “trying to have another baby” mama. HOWEVER! I know from experience that dropping the weight helps *SO* very much– really it does, as little as 5% weight loss helps to reverse symptoms! Don’t give up!!

    I took a little side job as well, and it’s kicking my toosh. What was I thinking- teachers need summer vacation more than the kids, LOL!

    Mel via HYC

    Comment by Mel | July 8, 2008 | Reply

  6. Sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis. I hope it may answer some questions of your weight struggle that you’ve had over the years. You have at least been doing all the right things over the last year, particularly with the exercise. It’s a bit of a vicious circle diagnosis but, yes, weight loss will certainly help the symptoms. I’ve been diagnosed with it for over 10 years and am finding that the weight loss does alleviate the symptoms, a low diet GI is recommended for PCOS, I’m sure you’ll be well looked after there. Take care and don’t let it worry you unduly.

    Comment by Jenny | July 8, 2008 | Reply

  7. I have PCOS too and while it wasn’t pleasant to get a diagnosis, it did explain a lot for me. Keeping your weight down is important but more of a challenge – you’ll probably have to work a bit harder for each pound but it definitely helps. Any little loss helps.

    Watch the refined sugar/grains too – wholegrain is much better, as PCOS is often linked to insulin resistance and low GI is great for it.

    Don’t let this get you down or too stressed. You’re not alone with it.

    Comment by gemfit | July 8, 2008 | Reply

  8. I *am* learning and it’s *not* too late.

    Welp looks like you already said what you needed to hear. Good for you!!! It is a learning process. Not only learning about losing weight but about living. And its NEVER to late! Every minute of everyday is a new fresh start to try again.

    Hang in there!

    Comment by Felicia | July 8, 2008 | Reply

  9. Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. It is a process losing weight. I used to think that when it came time for me to lose 10lbs, I could do it with no problem. That was, until I had that(and more) to do. It does take a lot of focus to stay on track. But, it can be done! Hang in there!

    Comment by dadivastreet | July 8, 2008 | Reply

  10. chocolate brownie torte with white chocolate mousse and caramelized bananas

    Yum. YUM!

    I particularly relate to you saying it’s never too late to get back on track. That’s exactly how I feel.

    Comment by pantrypuff | July 8, 2008 | Reply

  11. Wisdom is springing up from your words as you do the mental work necessary to change your thought patterns. I needed help in that area, and for that, I looked to Dr. Phil’s Ultimate Weight Solution.

    No wonder the first key is Right Thinking. It was the right time for me to hear, “Whatever it is, you have and live your own personal truth. Every success or failure you will have flows from that self-determined persoanl truth…So this personal truth business is a big deal, a huge deal. If you don’t get yours straight, you are dommed, and even the best-laid plans to get your weight under lasting control will be ruined.”

    Stay honest, do the mental work, and watch your confidence and self-control help your body line up with a new vision of yourself! You CAN do it!!

    Comment by Rebecca McCormick | July 9, 2008 | Reply

  12. Here is a good web page about PCOS http://www.soulcysters.com/index.html

    I have PCOS as well and I have been able to loose 66 pounds and counting. Keep up the good work!

    Comment by Stacy | July 11, 2008 | Reply

  13. Tahnks for posting

    Comment by sigNeoneeNesse | August 2, 2008 | Reply

  14. congrats, keep it up

    Comment by Gordon | August 1, 2011 | Reply

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