Fat as Hell…

and not going to take it anymore!

Pedometer Challenge: Week 2 Wrap-Up + HYC Update

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketMan, this has been a busy week. But a good one. Before I get into my good news report, here are my pedometer numbers for the week:

Sunday through Saturday, respectively

And today…

Totals:

Weekly total (I’m not including today in the weekly total): 90,254 steps
Daily Average for Week 2: 12,893 steps
2 Week Combined Total: 184, 216 steps
Daily Combined Average: 13,158 (this average includes my *bonus* steps from the first week)

Gosh. All this stepping is sure paying off in a number of ways. First of all, on Friday I had a long awaited doctor’s appointment. Anyone whose been reading this blog for any length of time knows that I have a love/hate relationship with my doctor and that a visit to his office, nearly a year ago now, is one of the things that most put a fire under my ass to finally start taking off the weight. Since then, I’ve been back to the doctor a few more times, and each time I go, I’m more and more determined to prove to him that I *can* lose enough weight to be taken off of the blood pressure and cholesterol medicine that he started me on last July.

Unfortunately, this kind of motivation sometimes leads to crazy behavior on my part.

For example, *knowing* that this appointment was coming up, I started weighing myself all the time. April arrived, and the moment I turned the page on the calendar and saw that doctor’s appointment looming, I went into scale overload. I found myself weighing every day, sometimes multiple times a day. I was so determined to show a “big loss” when I got to the doctor’s office, that I swiftly flew into obsession mode — which, let me just tell you, isn’t a nice place to be.

Anyway, after a week or so of this, I decided that I’d never make it to the end of the month, if I kept obsessing… so I just stopped weighing all together.

I thought… fuck it. I’m already doing everything I can to make myself healthy, stepping on and off the scale isn’t going to do anything except make me feel bad. So, I put the scale away for the rest of the month. I didn’t announce my decision here because, frankly, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stick with it, but within a few days, I’d stopped thinking about the scale at all and was, therefore, able to focus on the business of actually taking care of myself. Imagine that! :)

So… Friday came and I went into the appointment blind. I didn’t even weigh myself that morning. “It is what it is,” I thought as I drove myself there and sat in the waiting room, vowing not to hate myself too much if I hadn’t lost any weight or even if, heaven forbid, I’d gained.

But then something amazing happened when I stepped on the scale in his office.

*drumroll please*

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244.4lbs.

Now, the last time I posted my weight here, I was 254lbs. Since then I know I’ve popped up a couple of pounds and then back down one or two, until the week that I finally decided to stop weighing altogether.

But now I’m 244.4lbs. :)

I’ve decided to round it down to 244 even and call it a 10lb loss because, well… just because I want to. I realize, of course that’ll mean that I don’t get to spend any time enjoying the 70lbs lost badge, but somehow, I’ll manage, I think.

But wait!
That’s not even the best part!

The best part is that during my visit, the doctor said that the *next* time I visit (in 6 months) that we’ll look at reducing the dosage of the blood pressure medication — the first step in, essentially, weaning me off it completely.

I simply cannot tell you how ecstatic that makes me. Getting off this medication was, and continues to be, such a motivator for me. I don’t want to take *any* kind of medication for the rest of my life.

I’m only 37.

I just want my body to reflect my real age and not all the years I’ve added to my life by being obese. I know lots of people who spend all their time thinking about what they will look like once they finally reach their goal weight… and don’t get me wrong, of course, I think about that too. But the truth is, what I want most is to be healthy. And I don’t think that’s any more noble of a goal than the goal of just wanting to look hot in normal sized clothes… it’s just a different goal. (Though, looking hot wouldn’t be too shabby either, now that I think about it!) For me, getting off the meds and being healthy is the light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t know what weight that will be or what being at that weight will look like… I just know that I’m not going to allow being fat to kill me. And when I finally reach the point where I can say goodbye to the medication and where I start feeling and acting like someone who is only 37, well… *that’s* when I will have reached my goal.

Anyway, Friday was a good day.

But then again, Saturday was a pretty good day too. On Saturday a package arrived at my door containing these gorgeous earrings, which were hand made for me by the utterly fabulous Paola. What’s really cool about them, I mean, besides the fact that they’re absolutely beautiful, is that Paola sneakily asked me what colors I liked and then crafted the whole gift around my response – with pretty orange paper around the box, tied with a blue ribbon. So cute!

And the card read: “Keep on walking!”

Now, I ask you. Seriously. Does it really get any better than that?

It’s funny, you know… even writing all this out, it feels like it’s not really even happening to me. I mean, as hard as I’ve worked and as much as I’ve wanted to prove other people wrong about how much I will be able to accomplish, the truth is, I don’t think I ever really expected to lose 75lbs. Sure, I’ve tried to stay positive, and I can’t even count the number of times each day I have to remind myself that I *can* do this, but the truth is I’m usually far *less* surprised when I fail.

I wonder what it is about me that causes me to expect so little from myself.

Anyway… it was a good week here, folks. I hope yours was equally fantastic.

May 4, 2008 Posted by | pedometer challenge, weigh day | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

The Good News and the Not So Good News

Well. I guess it could have been worse.

The trip to the doctor today didn’t go quite as well as I would have liked, but it wasn’t a horrifying disaster either.
Six weeks ago my LDL was at 138. Today it was a 123. The doctor was pleased and said that 15 pts was an excellent reduction for someone who wasn’t taking any medication to lower it, but that it wasn’t low enough. According to the American Health Association, a healthy level of LDL is anything under 100, however, I have a history of stroke and heart disease in my family and, as such, he wants to see my number under 70. He doesn’t seem to think that this kind of reduction is possible without medication.

Even though I was relieved to see that it had gone down, this wasn’t the news I was hoping for.

And so, after a long discussion, I was given a prescription for Crestor. The truth is, I don’t want to take it… but I feel like I may not have much of a choice. My recent echo cardiogram was basically clean except for “minor buildup” of plaque in one artery. My doctor says this, as it stands, is nothing to be concerned about, but that, especially due to my family history, is something that cannot be allowed to get worse. And that means medication. My husband was in the room with me at the time and, he’s even more anti-medication than I am, and even he said upon leaving that I needed to take the Crestor.

*sigh*

So… now I’m left to do some research on this new drug, monitor whatever side effects I notice upon taking it and hope for the best.

January 2, 2008 Posted by | health | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Body Acceptance?

After checking out some of the (frankly, really interesting and sometimes downright great) blogs that are linked here, I’m left wondering about the “it’s okay to be fat” movement. As someone who has spent her whole life overweight, there’s a part of me that very much just wants to say “fuck it! I’m fat. Deal with it.” I’m not talking about simply residing myself to being 300lbs, I’m talking about being able to look in the mirror and not care that I’m overweight. God, what a relief that would be. Plus, there’s a huge part of me that wants nothing more than to give the middle finger to a society that values outer beauty far more than inner.

On the other hand, being fat is a health issue.

I didn’t go to the doctor and decide to change everything about the way I lived because I wanted to look better. This isn’t about vanity for me. It’s not about wanting to be like everyone else or about living up to arbitrary standards set by a society which, in so many ways, isn’t greater than the sum of its parts. Frankly, it’s about not wanting to die before I’m 40. It’s about not wanting to have to take blood pressure medicine for the rest of my life. It’s about not wanting to have to take cholesterol medication for the rest of my life. It’s about wanting to be healthy, not about wanting to be a size 2. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be able to shop for clothing in the sections/stores where “normal” people shop, but if that was all this was about, I’d have taken the plunge to lose this weight a long, long time ago. For me, the wake up call was my health, pure and simple.

That said, I wonder about people who say it is okay to be fat.

Is it okay to accept your body for what it is, warts and all?

Absolutely. No doubt about.

Is it okay to stop comparing yourself to the images of so-called perfection that we are bombarded with by the media?

Of course it is… in fact, I wish everyone would stop buying into the ridiculous notions of beauty that are shoved in our faces day after endless day.

Is it okay to say “I don’t care what anyone thinks about me” and just be who you are regardless of what others whisper when they think you’re not looking?

I’ll tell you, it’s hard, but we all know that it’s more than ok.

And is it okay to say I don’t care if my blood pressure is high, if my arteries are clogged, or if I have a heart attack or stroke before I’m 40 years old?

Obviously, it’s okay to say those things too.

But… it’s also okay to not accept poor health and to want to do something about it.
And it’s also okay to not accept being fat and unhealthy.

I agree strongly with the post I linked to above.
Diets do not work.
In fact, all the things that make all diets doomed to fail from the off, I find, apply to most things in life.
I can only hope that living in a way that is healthy and that includes eating a balanced diet and that includes exercise *does* work.

Maybe for some people, being overweight is okay. Maybe some people can balance extra pounds with a healthy lifestyle, but I can’t. For me, simply accepting being fat is not an option.

January 2, 2008 Posted by | health, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments