Fat as Hell…

and not going to take it anymore!

Pedometer Challenge: Week 2 Wrap-Up + HYC Update

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketMan, this has been a busy week. But a good one. Before I get into my good news report, here are my pedometer numbers for the week:

Sunday through Saturday, respectively

And today…


Weekly total (I’m not including today in the weekly total): 90,254 steps
Daily Average for Week 2: 12,893 steps
2 Week Combined Total: 184, 216 steps
Daily Combined Average: 13,158 (this average includes my *bonus* steps from the first week)

Gosh. All this stepping is sure paying off in a number of ways. First of all, on Friday I had a long awaited doctor’s appointment. Anyone whose been reading this blog for any length of time knows that I have a love/hate relationship with my doctor and that a visit to his office, nearly a year ago now, is one of the things that most put a fire under my ass to finally start taking off the weight. Since then, I’ve been back to the doctor a few more times, and each time I go, I’m more and more determined to prove to him that I *can* lose enough weight to be taken off of the blood pressure and cholesterol medicine that he started me on last July.

Unfortunately, this kind of motivation sometimes leads to crazy behavior on my part.

For example, *knowing* that this appointment was coming up, I started weighing myself all the time. April arrived, and the moment I turned the page on the calendar and saw that doctor’s appointment looming, I went into scale overload. I found myself weighing every day, sometimes multiple times a day. I was so determined to show a “big loss” when I got to the doctor’s office, that I swiftly flew into obsession mode — which, let me just tell you, isn’t a nice place to be.

Anyway, after a week or so of this, I decided that I’d never make it to the end of the month, if I kept obsessing… so I just stopped weighing all together.

I thought… fuck it. I’m already doing everything I can to make myself healthy, stepping on and off the scale isn’t going to do anything except make me feel bad. So, I put the scale away for the rest of the month. I didn’t announce my decision here because, frankly, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stick with it, but within a few days, I’d stopped thinking about the scale at all and was, therefore, able to focus on the business of actually taking care of myself. Imagine that! :)

So… Friday came and I went into the appointment blind. I didn’t even weigh myself that morning. “It is what it is,” I thought as I drove myself there and sat in the waiting room, vowing not to hate myself too much if I hadn’t lost any weight or even if, heaven forbid, I’d gained.

But then something amazing happened when I stepped on the scale in his office.

*drumroll please*

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Now, the last time I posted my weight here, I was 254lbs. Since then I know I’ve popped up a couple of pounds and then back down one or two, until the week that I finally decided to stop weighing altogether.

But now I’m 244.4lbs. :)

I’ve decided to round it down to 244 even and call it a 10lb loss because, well… just because I want to. I realize, of course that’ll mean that I don’t get to spend any time enjoying the 70lbs lost badge, but somehow, I’ll manage, I think.

But wait!
That’s not even the best part!

The best part is that during my visit, the doctor said that the *next* time I visit (in 6 months) that we’ll look at reducing the dosage of the blood pressure medication — the first step in, essentially, weaning me off it completely.

I simply cannot tell you how ecstatic that makes me. Getting off this medication was, and continues to be, such a motivator for me. I don’t want to take *any* kind of medication for the rest of my life.

I’m only 37.

I just want my body to reflect my real age and not all the years I’ve added to my life by being obese. I know lots of people who spend all their time thinking about what they will look like once they finally reach their goal weight… and don’t get me wrong, of course, I think about that too. But the truth is, what I want most is to be healthy. And I don’t think that’s any more noble of a goal than the goal of just wanting to look hot in normal sized clothes… it’s just a different goal. (Though, looking hot wouldn’t be too shabby either, now that I think about it!) For me, getting off the meds and being healthy is the light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t know what weight that will be or what being at that weight will look like… I just know that I’m not going to allow being fat to kill me. And when I finally reach the point where I can say goodbye to the medication and where I start feeling and acting like someone who is only 37, well… *that’s* when I will have reached my goal.

Anyway, Friday was a good day.

But then again, Saturday was a pretty good day too. On Saturday a package arrived at my door containing these gorgeous earrings, which were hand made for me by the utterly fabulous Paola. What’s really cool about them, I mean, besides the fact that they’re absolutely beautiful, is that Paola sneakily asked me what colors I liked and then crafted the whole gift around my response – with pretty orange paper around the box, tied with a blue ribbon. So cute!

And the card read: “Keep on walking!”

Now, I ask you. Seriously. Does it really get any better than that?

It’s funny, you know… even writing all this out, it feels like it’s not really even happening to me. I mean, as hard as I’ve worked and as much as I’ve wanted to prove other people wrong about how much I will be able to accomplish, the truth is, I don’t think I ever really expected to lose 75lbs. Sure, I’ve tried to stay positive, and I can’t even count the number of times each day I have to remind myself that I *can* do this, but the truth is I’m usually far *less* surprised when I fail.

I wonder what it is about me that causes me to expect so little from myself.

Anyway… it was a good week here, folks. I hope yours was equally fantastic.

May 4, 2008 Posted by | pedometer challenge, weigh day | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

Healthy You Challenge Update

Despite the fact that I *was* up on Saturday (by a pound and a half) I’m having a great week. Taking a cue from Cammy, I’ve decided that my recent gain is just a “weird bounce” and that rather than dwelling on it, I’m just moving on. (Oh, and yes, Cammy, you are more than welcome to blame my mother in law for anything you want, dear. Trust me. She’s probably to blame. *wink*) Even though I didn’t get a chance to post them, I did set some goals for this week and, so far, I’ve been keeping them. Here they be:

Exercise Goals:
Sunday: 30 minutes cardio -or- 30 minutes strength training
(Accomplished: 30 minutes of both!)
Monday: 30 minutes cardio + 30 minutes strength training
(Accomplished 20 minutes cardio on bike plus 2 mile/40 minute walk later in day + 40 minutes of ST)
Tuesday: 30 minutes cardio + 30 minutes strength training
Wednesday: rest day
Thursday: 30 minutes cardio -or- 30 minutes strength training
Friday: rest day
Saturday: 30 minutes cardio + 30 minutes strength training

Food/Calorie Goals:
1. I’m still working trying to stick somewhere between 1300 – 1500 calories per day.
2. I’m trying to work fruit and whole grains into my diet on a daily basis.

Honestly, I’m a bit sore today, but I’m chalking it off to the new pillows I bought yesterday. I bought some “extra firm” quilted pillows to replace the flattened pancakes we’ve been sleeping on for awhile. I love the new ones, but they may take a bit of getting used to. (An aside: I remember having the same pillow for just about my entire childhood… but as an adult, it seems as though pillows go flat so quickly. Is it just me, or are pillows becoming somewhat “disposable?” Note: not disposable in the waste/green/environmental sense, I’m just talking about pillow quality here.)

Anyway, as I was out and about yesterday I saw several little goodies that I thought I wanted and that, moreover, I tried to justify buying by telling myself that I had “earned” them. In the end, I kept my spending in check, but it did get me thinking about getting in the habit of rewarding myself for meeting certain goals. Other bloggers that I read are really adept at this, but up till now, I’ve had a hard time pin pointing longer term goals that I could set, hopefully accomplish, and thus reward myself for.

My husband and I talked about this over dinner last night (grilled chicken and feta crumbles over mixed greens with a sprinkling of homemade croûtons and a lovely olive oil vinaigrette) and he agreed that dangling some carrots in front of me as rewards for reaching specific benchmarks was a good plan.

I told him that I’d already sort of set the following goals/rewards in my head. But now that I’m put them in writing here, it looks like they’re official:
1. When I lose 100lbs (37lbs away) I’m going to buy myself a bike (a real one, not one that stays put in a corner of my house).
2. When my weight drops below 200lbs (58lbs away) I’m going to order *this.* I’ve had my eye on it for a long, long time.
3. If WHEN I succeed in completing the goals for April that I outlined at the beginning of the month, I’m going to buy myself one of *these* (though I flat refuse to pay that much for one).

When I told my husband he nodded and said that those sounded like perfect incentives. But then he added that he thought I needed a reward for losing 75lbs (a goal that is only 12lbs away).

“Like what?” I asked.

He thought for a minute. “Hmmm. How about a new miniskirt?” he offered sheepishly.

I had to smile. Clearly this would be a reward for HIM and not so much for me. But I agreed. When I’ve lost 75lbs, I’m going to try to find myself a “mini-skirt” of some kind. Honestly, it just made me feel good to know that HE thinks I’m getting to the point where I could pull something like that off. What he doesn’t know is that I’ll likely buy one that is a few sizes smaller than what I can actually fit into having lost 75lbs, but that way, it will continue to be motivator long after I’ve said goodbye to 75lbs. (Gosh, I can’t wait to say goodbye to 75lbs).

Anyway… as bikinime says, I’m having a kick-ass April.
I hope you are too!

April 8, 2008 Posted by | healthy you challenge | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Plan of Attack: April

Goodbye, March.
Hello, April.

Let’s start things off on the right foot, shall we?

1. To restart (and keep up with) my stats calendar.
2. To make (and keep) weekly exercise goals.
3. To make (and keep) weekly caloric goals.
3a. To keep track of and record (if not publically) my calorie intake each day.
(I think I may start using thedailyplate.com — I’ll keep you posted).
4. To keep track of and record my blood pressure (if not daily) than at least 4 times a week until my Doc’s appt at the end of the month.

(April) Week 1 Exercise Goals:
Monday: 30 minutes cardio
Tuesday: 30 minutes strength training
Wednesday: rest
Thursday: 30 minutes cardio + 30 minutes strength training
Friday: rest
Saturday: 30 minutes cardio + 30 minutes strength training
Saturday: 30 minutes of either (depending on my mood)

Note: These are all minimums and, I think, based on my previous exercising regiment, entirely doable. In fact, I think I am capable of more, but I want to see how this first week goes before raising the stakes.

Gosh… just setting these goals feels so productive.

The truth is, I think I am constantly setting and renegotiating goals in my mind. Each morning (especially in the shower) I make deals with myself about what I will and won’t do that day. Many times the goals I sent in the morning while trying to ready myself for the day are unrealistic… and because they only exist in my mind, it’s easy to toss them aside when the going gets rough. This is different. Not only does writing them down make them feel more official, but you know, it’s that whole accountability thing. Knowing that all of you *know* about them and that you will (ever so gently) hold my feet to the fire if I don’t follow through, makes it more difficult for me to just throw in the towel.

Knowing that I have a doctor’s appointment at the end of the month helps too. For some reason, I am always so motivated to take off as much weight as possible in the weeks before going to the doctor. I can remember when I first started seeing this doctor and how I could tell, even though he was encouraging, that he didn’t really believe me when I said that I was going to lose weight. And, after all, who could blame him? I mean, I’m sure he’s seen hundreds of patients who need to take off the pounds and who claim they are going to, but who just aren’t able to make it happen. I’ve been there. And, believe me, I failed dozens and dozens of times before I ever experienced any kind of success. What’s more, I’m sure that my vow, albeit good intentioned, probably seemed like a long shot… after all, all told, I probably had a good 180lbs to lose — and that’s no small feat.

Little did he know how stubborn I am. What he didn’t realize (or maybe he did) is that I would find his well founded skepticism regarding my ability to shed over half my bodyweight to be something of a challenge. As ridiculous as it sounds, when it comes to my doctor, I’ve got a definite case of the “hmmpft! I’ll show him!’s” I realize, of course, that this isn’t the healthiest motivation, but at this point, I’ll take whatever motivation I can get.

Anyway… tonight I’m gonna party like it’s my birthday — because it *is* my birthday!

And then I’m gonna grab April by the balls.
This is going to be my best month yet.

Happy Monday, everyone!

PS: I’m counting this post as my HYC update for this week! :)


March 31, 2008 Posted by | healthy you challenge, losing weight, motivation, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments