Fat as Hell…

and not going to take it anymore!

Pressing On

I’m not always right, and maybe it’s a little crazy to say it out loud, but sometimes I think I can honestly feel when I’ve gained even a little bit of weight. It may just be a pound or two, but I swear, I can feel those pounds hanging off of me… dragging me down.

The reason this seems a little crazy, is because, let’s face it, when you weigh 250lbs + 1 or 2 more pounds can’t possibly make that much difference. After all, 1 or 2 pounds represents such a small part of the whole. Nonetheless, when I gain, it’s usually not a surprise. I can feel it.

And I can feel it now.

Of course, I won’t weigh until tomorrow, but I feel it coming. Hopefully, I’ll be pleasantly surprised. But I doubt it.
That said, even if I am up tomorrow, I’ll be more bemused than anything else because it’s really been a pretty good week. I’ve kept up with my calendar all week. I’ve totally met my exercise goals for the week and while I’ve gone over my calories several times, it hasn’t been by *that* much. There’s been no binging… just an extra Starbucks here and there to throw me over the edge.

*shrugs*

Truth is, I’ve been feeling pretty good. Like I’m “back” after my long hiatus from not having the energy to care much about whether or not I was on plan. I truly started the week trying to come up with plausible excuses that I could use at the end of the week in order to explain why I *hadn’t* made my exercise goals. But guess what? No excuses needed. I was an exercising fool. In fact, I exercised *more* than the goals I’d set for myself, and if I’m *really* honest, then I have to admit that there might have been a few minutes when it actually felt good. (Shhh. Don’t tell anyone).

So… *if* I am up tomorrow, I’m just going to blame it on hormones, the tides, a full moon and/or my mother-in-law and move on. Apart from eating a little better, I don’t think I can really ask more of myself than what I was able to give this week.

Sometimes, I guess, no matter how hard you try, the numbers just don’t add up.

Anyway, in non-gee-I’m-really-fat related news, if you get a chance to see Persepolis, I strongly suggest that you do. It’s achingly beautiful.

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April 4, 2008 Posted by | losing weight | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

I Don’t Know Where To Begin…

I was talking to a friend at work the other day and explained to her that, lately, for reasons I don’t really understand, I’ve been feeling so sluggish. I feel like I have ZERO energy and that just making it to work and back each day is a chore. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I’m not sick. I’m not under a great deal of stress (as I was in February). I don’t feel like I’m being exceptionally lazy, I just feel like I *can’t* do anything beyond what I am minimally required to each day. That said, while this week was not a disaster, it certainly wasn’t a triumph in the “getting healthy” department either. I overate (mildly) on most days and didn’t exercise even once. Not the way I wanted to spend the month of March, I can tell you that.

So… as I said, I was talking to my friend at work. She’s a nice girl, a few years older than I am, and definitely a holistic liver. If it’s not organic, raised in a cruelty free environment and good for you in some way, she doesn’t eat it. She doesn’t subscribe to the mainstream medical establishment either and believes in nurturing your health from the inside out. Put another way, she lives the way I want to — albeit a bit more to the extreme. Anyway, I was telling her about how I was feeling sluggish and she said, without blinking, “oh, it’s the pollen.” I’m sure my expression said, “um… huh?” because she then went onto explain that right now there’s a ton of pollen in the air here, (she’s right, each afternoon I go out to my car to go home and find it covered in a thin dusting of yellow pollen), and that pollen is a foreign substance, and when our bodies take it in, (through breathing), it’s bound to have an effect. She theorized that our bodies have to work pretty hard to expel any foreign substance, and thus, makes us feel sluggish and overworked.

Hmmm.

I’ll be honest, I’m not sure how much of that I buy into, but I’ve been giving it some thought this week (while I haven’t been exercising).

My other theory is a little more distressing. For about 6 months now, I’ve been taking blood pressure medicine to regulate my previously out of control blood pressure. That fateful day last July when I went to the doctor and he basically told me that if I didn’t lose weight, I would die, my blood pressure was 208/105. Yeah. I know. Anyway, despite my objections, fears and deep, deep misgivings, I followed the doctor’s orders and started taking BP meds in order to get those numbers down. From the beginning, I’ve told myself that this would only be temporary and that as soon as the weight was off, that I’d quit taking it. So, here it is 8 months later, and I’ve taken off 65lbs, changed by diet drastically and incorporated exercise into my life in a way that it never has been before – and I find myself wondering if maybe my blood pressure is dipping too low. Is it possible that my natural blood pressure is dropping due to these changes and that meds are taking it down to a level that is leaving me with no energy?

Of course, this is all conjecture on my part. What I need to do is start monitoring my blood pressure on a regular basis, but I’ve tried that before without success. When I first started taking the BP meds I bought SEVERAL BP cuffs and they either didn’t fit or didn’t work until I *finally* gave up. Thing is, blaming my lack of energy on LOWER blood pressure could just be wishful thinking on my part, but finding out for sure is much easier said than done. *sigh*

Maybe the thing to do is to just quit making excuses and get off my ass.
Of course, that *too* is easier said than done, right?

where-i-sit1.jpgAnyway, in brighter news I decide to join in Felicia’s “photo fun” day post. She had the brilliant idea of taking specific pictures every once in awhile to help us all get to know one another a bit better. The first one is themed “Where do you sit?” Basically, the idea is, take a picture of where you plant your bottom when you’re on the computer posting about how you *should* be exercising. :) Here’s my spot. My husband and I actually have an office elsewhere in our house, but (unless we’re having people over for dinner) we keep the computer at the dining room table (which is just off the living room and kitchen) so that working on the computer doesn’t mean that we have to be in a separate room. Between the two of us, the computer is used a lot and it just feels too isolating to have to have to sit in the office to work on it. This way too, he can peek over my shoulder when he wants to and make sure that I’m not fibbing about anything, (not that I would, of course!) Anyway… I look forward to seeing some of your spots!

And finally, one more thing before I close. Against my better judgement, I *did* weigh yesterday.

254lbs – 255.3lbs = +1.3lbs
Yeah. I’m up.

*sigh*

(Oh. And yes, I changed my theme again. I’ll try to stick with this one for a bit).

March 30, 2008 Posted by | losing weight, weigh day | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

I am weak.

I’ve been undone by fresh strawberries and lightly sweetened whipped cream (the real stuff).

Not just tonight.
Not just last night.

But three nights in a row.

I am weak.

So, so weak.

March 26, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments