Fat as Hell…

and not going to take it anymore!

Pedometer Challenge: Week 2 Wrap-Up + HYC Update

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketMan, this has been a busy week. But a good one. Before I get into my good news report, here are my pedometer numbers for the week:

Sunday through Saturday, respectively

And today…


Weekly total (I’m not including today in the weekly total): 90,254 steps
Daily Average for Week 2: 12,893 steps
2 Week Combined Total: 184, 216 steps
Daily Combined Average: 13,158 (this average includes my *bonus* steps from the first week)

Gosh. All this stepping is sure paying off in a number of ways. First of all, on Friday I had a long awaited doctor’s appointment. Anyone whose been reading this blog for any length of time knows that I have a love/hate relationship with my doctor and that a visit to his office, nearly a year ago now, is one of the things that most put a fire under my ass to finally start taking off the weight. Since then, I’ve been back to the doctor a few more times, and each time I go, I’m more and more determined to prove to him that I *can* lose enough weight to be taken off of the blood pressure and cholesterol medicine that he started me on last July.

Unfortunately, this kind of motivation sometimes leads to crazy behavior on my part.

For example, *knowing* that this appointment was coming up, I started weighing myself all the time. April arrived, and the moment I turned the page on the calendar and saw that doctor’s appointment looming, I went into scale overload. I found myself weighing every day, sometimes multiple times a day. I was so determined to show a “big loss” when I got to the doctor’s office, that I swiftly flew into obsession mode — which, let me just tell you, isn’t a nice place to be.

Anyway, after a week or so of this, I decided that I’d never make it to the end of the month, if I kept obsessing… so I just stopped weighing all together.

I thought… fuck it. I’m already doing everything I can to make myself healthy, stepping on and off the scale isn’t going to do anything except make me feel bad. So, I put the scale away for the rest of the month. I didn’t announce my decision here because, frankly, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stick with it, but within a few days, I’d stopped thinking about the scale at all and was, therefore, able to focus on the business of actually taking care of myself. Imagine that! :)

So… Friday came and I went into the appointment blind. I didn’t even weigh myself that morning. “It is what it is,” I thought as I drove myself there and sat in the waiting room, vowing not to hate myself too much if I hadn’t lost any weight or even if, heaven forbid, I’d gained.

But then something amazing happened when I stepped on the scale in his office.

*drumroll please*

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Now, the last time I posted my weight here, I was 254lbs. Since then I know I’ve popped up a couple of pounds and then back down one or two, until the week that I finally decided to stop weighing altogether.

But now I’m 244.4lbs. :)

I’ve decided to round it down to 244 even and call it a 10lb loss because, well… just because I want to. I realize, of course that’ll mean that I don’t get to spend any time enjoying the 70lbs lost badge, but somehow, I’ll manage, I think.

But wait!
That’s not even the best part!

The best part is that during my visit, the doctor said that the *next* time I visit (in 6 months) that we’ll look at reducing the dosage of the blood pressure medication — the first step in, essentially, weaning me off it completely.

I simply cannot tell you how ecstatic that makes me. Getting off this medication was, and continues to be, such a motivator for me. I don’t want to take *any* kind of medication for the rest of my life.

I’m only 37.

I just want my body to reflect my real age and not all the years I’ve added to my life by being obese. I know lots of people who spend all their time thinking about what they will look like once they finally reach their goal weight… and don’t get me wrong, of course, I think about that too. But the truth is, what I want most is to be healthy. And I don’t think that’s any more noble of a goal than the goal of just wanting to look hot in normal sized clothes… it’s just a different goal. (Though, looking hot wouldn’t be too shabby either, now that I think about it!) For me, getting off the meds and being healthy is the light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t know what weight that will be or what being at that weight will look like… I just know that I’m not going to allow being fat to kill me. And when I finally reach the point where I can say goodbye to the medication and where I start feeling and acting like someone who is only 37, well… *that’s* when I will have reached my goal.

Anyway, Friday was a good day.

But then again, Saturday was a pretty good day too. On Saturday a package arrived at my door containing these gorgeous earrings, which were hand made for me by the utterly fabulous Paola. What’s really cool about them, I mean, besides the fact that they’re absolutely beautiful, is that Paola sneakily asked me what colors I liked and then crafted the whole gift around my response – with pretty orange paper around the box, tied with a blue ribbon. So cute!

And the card read: “Keep on walking!”

Now, I ask you. Seriously. Does it really get any better than that?

It’s funny, you know… even writing all this out, it feels like it’s not really even happening to me. I mean, as hard as I’ve worked and as much as I’ve wanted to prove other people wrong about how much I will be able to accomplish, the truth is, I don’t think I ever really expected to lose 75lbs. Sure, I’ve tried to stay positive, and I can’t even count the number of times each day I have to remind myself that I *can* do this, but the truth is I’m usually far *less* surprised when I fail.

I wonder what it is about me that causes me to expect so little from myself.

Anyway… it was a good week here, folks. I hope yours was equally fantastic.

May 4, 2008 Posted by | pedometer challenge, weigh day | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

I Don’t Know Where To Begin…

I was talking to a friend at work the other day and explained to her that, lately, for reasons I don’t really understand, I’ve been feeling so sluggish. I feel like I have ZERO energy and that just making it to work and back each day is a chore. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I’m not sick. I’m not under a great deal of stress (as I was in February). I don’t feel like I’m being exceptionally lazy, I just feel like I *can’t* do anything beyond what I am minimally required to each day. That said, while this week was not a disaster, it certainly wasn’t a triumph in the “getting healthy” department either. I overate (mildly) on most days and didn’t exercise even once. Not the way I wanted to spend the month of March, I can tell you that.

So… as I said, I was talking to my friend at work. She’s a nice girl, a few years older than I am, and definitely a holistic liver. If it’s not organic, raised in a cruelty free environment and good for you in some way, she doesn’t eat it. She doesn’t subscribe to the mainstream medical establishment either and believes in nurturing your health from the inside out. Put another way, she lives the way I want to — albeit a bit more to the extreme. Anyway, I was telling her about how I was feeling sluggish and she said, without blinking, “oh, it’s the pollen.” I’m sure my expression said, “um… huh?” because she then went onto explain that right now there’s a ton of pollen in the air here, (she’s right, each afternoon I go out to my car to go home and find it covered in a thin dusting of yellow pollen), and that pollen is a foreign substance, and when our bodies take it in, (through breathing), it’s bound to have an effect. She theorized that our bodies have to work pretty hard to expel any foreign substance, and thus, makes us feel sluggish and overworked.


I’ll be honest, I’m not sure how much of that I buy into, but I’ve been giving it some thought this week (while I haven’t been exercising).

My other theory is a little more distressing. For about 6 months now, I’ve been taking blood pressure medicine to regulate my previously out of control blood pressure. That fateful day last July when I went to the doctor and he basically told me that if I didn’t lose weight, I would die, my blood pressure was 208/105. Yeah. I know. Anyway, despite my objections, fears and deep, deep misgivings, I followed the doctor’s orders and started taking BP meds in order to get those numbers down. From the beginning, I’ve told myself that this would only be temporary and that as soon as the weight was off, that I’d quit taking it. So, here it is 8 months later, and I’ve taken off 65lbs, changed by diet drastically and incorporated exercise into my life in a way that it never has been before – and I find myself wondering if maybe my blood pressure is dipping too low. Is it possible that my natural blood pressure is dropping due to these changes and that meds are taking it down to a level that is leaving me with no energy?

Of course, this is all conjecture on my part. What I need to do is start monitoring my blood pressure on a regular basis, but I’ve tried that before without success. When I first started taking the BP meds I bought SEVERAL BP cuffs and they either didn’t fit or didn’t work until I *finally* gave up. Thing is, blaming my lack of energy on LOWER blood pressure could just be wishful thinking on my part, but finding out for sure is much easier said than done. *sigh*

Maybe the thing to do is to just quit making excuses and get off my ass.
Of course, that *too* is easier said than done, right?

where-i-sit1.jpgAnyway, in brighter news I decide to join in Felicia’s “photo fun” day post. She had the brilliant idea of taking specific pictures every once in awhile to help us all get to know one another a bit better. The first one is themed “Where do you sit?” Basically, the idea is, take a picture of where you plant your bottom when you’re on the computer posting about how you *should* be exercising. :) Here’s my spot. My husband and I actually have an office elsewhere in our house, but (unless we’re having people over for dinner) we keep the computer at the dining room table (which is just off the living room and kitchen) so that working on the computer doesn’t mean that we have to be in a separate room. Between the two of us, the computer is used a lot and it just feels too isolating to have to have to sit in the office to work on it. This way too, he can peek over my shoulder when he wants to and make sure that I’m not fibbing about anything, (not that I would, of course!) Anyway… I look forward to seeing some of your spots!

And finally, one more thing before I close. Against my better judgement, I *did* weigh yesterday.

254lbs – 255.3lbs = +1.3lbs
Yeah. I’m up.


(Oh. And yes, I changed my theme again. I’ll try to stick with this one for a bit).

March 30, 2008 Posted by | losing weight, weigh day | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

The Good News and the Not So Good News

Well. I guess it could have been worse.

The trip to the doctor today didn’t go quite as well as I would have liked, but it wasn’t a horrifying disaster either.
Six weeks ago my LDL was at 138. Today it was a 123. The doctor was pleased and said that 15 pts was an excellent reduction for someone who wasn’t taking any medication to lower it, but that it wasn’t low enough. According to the American Health Association, a healthy level of LDL is anything under 100, however, I have a history of stroke and heart disease in my family and, as such, he wants to see my number under 70. He doesn’t seem to think that this kind of reduction is possible without medication.

Even though I was relieved to see that it had gone down, this wasn’t the news I was hoping for.

And so, after a long discussion, I was given a prescription for Crestor. The truth is, I don’t want to take it… but I feel like I may not have much of a choice. My recent echo cardiogram was basically clean except for “minor buildup” of plaque in one artery. My doctor says this, as it stands, is nothing to be concerned about, but that, especially due to my family history, is something that cannot be allowed to get worse. And that means medication. My husband was in the room with me at the time and, he’s even more anti-medication than I am, and even he said upon leaving that I needed to take the Crestor.


So… now I’m left to do some research on this new drug, monitor whatever side effects I notice upon taking it and hope for the best.

January 2, 2008 Posted by | health | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment