I’ve been avoiding blogging since my last entry because this week has been, (in terms of eating and taking good care of myself), a disaster.
I’ve gotten in plenty of steps (I’ll post the pictures another time), but that’s really just because work has been madness and has *required* that I run around like the proverbial chicken with no head… I’ve only actually exercised once this week, and even that was short lived and truly half-hearted.
As for food, well… it’s been ridiculous. And I don’t really have any excuse for it.
I’d love to give you a blow by blow, play by play of all the fattening food I’ve put into my mouth this week, but only bits of it remain in my memory. There’s either been too much to remember or I’ve purposefully blocked the memory. Honestly, it’s probably a bit of both.
Thing is, last week was such a good week for me. Full of successes and victories and things that I was anxious to celebrate. It was, of course, easy to blog about those because it’s always easier to share the things that make us even the teeniest bit proud of ourselves. But this week has been different, so I’ve remained silent, trying to convince myself that I was just too busy to blog… but that’s not really true.
Then I read this post by BikiniMe in which she talks about some terribly personal things that had also been keeping her away from the keyboard. In the post she talks about running across “several blogs that have great beginnings and then *poof*, they’re gone.” And I think she hits the nail on the head when she theorizes that she knows what happened to these bloggers: that after the magical first few weeks when everything seems possible they get “derailed and shamed, unable to write that entry, [until] the blogger slips away and disappears.”
She goes on to say:
So many times I’ve been tempted to do this — just not write about the bad stuff, present only my good, perfect, wonderful, victorious self to you guys because I want to be liked, I want to be admired, I want to be considered an inspiration — but also, I have a tendency to be hard on myself and when I fall down, I tend to think, “Broken! Weak! Imperfect! Not Quite! Less-Than!” and I don’t want to be exposed as an imposter, a party crasher.
BikiniMe’s entry continues in a beautifully brave and personal way… and I would strongly encourage everyone who stumbles upon this entry to go and read hers.
It’s been difficult for me to leave a comment on her post because it’s hard for me to add to what others have said about it without feeling awkward and inadequate. That said, however, the one thing I can do is follow her lead. I’m not, by any means, comparing my situation to hers. But if she can let down her armor and share her story for the sake of keeping the promise to ourselves that we all made when we started these blogs, then so can I.
