What’s Wrong With Me?
I have to admit I feel pretty discouraged right now.
I posted my grand “plan” to kick myself in the ass and get back to doing the things that I *know* I should be doing in order to lose weight and then I pretty much ignored it all week. And of course I’m full of excuses… I had to work late, I haven’t slept enough, I went out with friends, someone kidnapped me and shoveled fattening food in my mouth… blah, blah, blah. But the bottom line is I could have eaten right. I could have exercised. I could have recorded all my food and focused on doing the right things, but I didn’t.
Seriously, after all this time, and all this work, am I really so fucking weak and stupid that I’m going to allow myself to gain back every pound that I’ve worked so hard to lose?
For months and months and months now I’ve told myself that more than just my pants size was changing… that *I* was changing… that the essential bits that make up my character and define what’s important to me were changing too. I’ve convinced myself that by shifting my priorities and focusing on making myself healthy, in all ways, that I was doing more than just losing weight, that I was changing… that i was evolving, maturing and growing. But how can that be true when it takes so little for me to fall right back into the patterns that, seriously, nearly killed me?
*sigh*
21 Comments »
Leave a comment
Just Too Fat
I’ve spent my whole life as “the fat girl,” but only recently has that title proved to be too much for me to handle.
This journal does not represent my quest to accept myself as “big boned” or “pleasantly plump” or even as “fat and fabulous.”
No.
These pages are as much about coming to terms with the fact that I am just too fat as they are about my journey towards a healthier life.
Wish me luck.
***Note: Goal Weight based on calculations from the Happy Weight, weight calculator and is subject to change.
Twitter Me This, Batman.
Healthy YOU Challenge
I'm a member.
Are you??
HYC Daily Posts:
Monday: Health & Fitness
Tuesday: Check In
Wednesday: Success & Motivation
Thursday: Recipes & Nutrition
In This Together
-
-
Recent Comments
Height/Weight Chart on The More I Know… Paul on Success or Failure? Cathy B on Another Notch Amr on The More I Know… georgie on Success or Failure? This Is What I Eat…
I hear you loud and clear sista! I know that I personally have been doing the exact same thing for the past couple of weeks. I say to myself all the time, “I’m not on a diet, I am choosing a healther lifestyle…” mummble, mummble, mummble.
We all have these down times when you just don’t want to have to friggin think about it anymore. We just want to live our lives without all of this guilt and putting everything we eat and do under a microscope.
Maybe we need these times to fall so that we can pick ourselves up even stronger so that we have enough drive and determination to make it to the prize. A Healthy Us!
Keep on keepin’ on!
I don’t want to get all granola on you, but what fun would it be if you were perfect all the time?
The ‘valley’ that you are in right now will make the ‘peak’ you are working towards all the more rewarding.
When you get back on track after this little slip-up, you should feel great about yourself.
You temporarily fell back into old habits, but you stopped yourself and got back on the right path.
So get off your butt and get moving.
Is this a regular occurrence? I mean, did you get these blips regularly while you lost the 75 lbs?
At 34-ish lbs lost, I’m getting really bored of dieting. I’m getting fed up having to figure out what to eat for each meal. I’ve been wondering whether to make meal-plans for each day of the week so that I can go on auto-pilot.
Is the stage you’re in boredom too? Or do you feel that you’ve messed up and so some more indulgences aint gonna make things much worse?
How about getting back into a routine by having just one simple goal for one week. For example, not gaining weight could be a place to start. Then, set one more simple goal for the next week.
I feel as if you set very (too?) high expectations for yourself whereas what’s worked for me is making new habits gradually.
I find sometimes this thing is cyclical. Every so often I find it’s really hard and I get a bit discouraged but if I keep on plugging away then I get my groove back. The key is to not go completely off track when it’s hard. Even if you can just maintain then you should be alright.
I agree with what DR and Paola has said. It’s no fun being perfect all the time, and I do believe that this is why often males have so much more success with weight loss than women do. For some reason, women strive to be ‘perfect’ all of the time, and then if they take a small bite of a sausage roll, suddenly everything has turned to shit and they’ve failed miserably. Men, however, tend to have a tendency to eat well 80-90% of the time. Not 95%, not 99%, not 100%. A reasonable expectation that you CAN keep up for the rest of your life. I know I’ve read articles about it, though for the life of me, can’t find the links, so just take my word on it for now :-)
It’s one week. One single week. In how many?
It is not chemically or biologically possible to undo months and months and months of progress in one week.
As ‘DR’ said above … “So get off your butt and get moving”. Yes I know tough but remember what roused you into action in the first place – anger. Following your visit to the doctor.
Sometimes hitting that target, the one you thought you’d never reach, and it throws you. Suddenly, you’ve found the answer and it’s going to be easy from here on in.
No, that’s when it can all goes horribly wrong.
Come on I know you can do it:)
Every time I think that I’m at the worst point in my loss, where I feel sick, sad, fat, and unable to loose, I look back at my old blog comments. You know, there have been little spurts where I really see the change, but in the grand scheme of it all, the days I’ve felt just like this have far outweighed (no pun intended) the day’s I’ve felt positive about the changes in my body. Thing is, I remember it being the other way around ;)
Look back at your blog readings… do you see similar feelings during the time when you were losing? Were there just days and weeks you felt like you were going nowhere… yet you were?
When I first started this, I figured weight loss would be a steady slope. Heck, I figured if I could loose even a “mere” five pounds a week, I’d be able to be down 200 lbs in 40 weeks… or if I were “lazy” in a year, giving myself a whole extra year in my “fabulous @ 50 ” plan.
Right now you’re 75 lbs down and only 5 lbs from your short term goal. You’ll get back to it when you’re ready and determined. We can’t live with that fire in the belly 24/7. Sometimes what we’re doing just gets comfortable and we slide back a bit. You’ll get there.
I’m so sorry you’re struggling! Maybe a JOLT? Just one little thing you do right (if not perfectly) this week? Maybe it’s exercise or maybe it’s drinking water or maybe it’s simply NOT sabotaging your efforts. Focusing on that one thing might spark some enthusiasm.
I have no doubt you’ll find your way again, and I wish you godspeed in that.
Nothing’s wrong with you :)
You’re human.
I think you’re going to get there. Even if it doesn’t look like you thought it would. I don’t think you’re going to give up.
You’ve come too far for that, you know?
Hang in there. You have come so far. And the thing that really matters is not how we FEEL about losing weight, or what we THINK about losing weight, but what we actually DO. Sometimes, we have to just do what we have to do whether we feel like it or not. Like losing weight is a job. You gotta get up every morning and go to work, motivated or not. Sometimes I have to think of losing weight that way. It’s my responsibility so I just do it even if I gripe the whole time. We all have bad days (weeks)… just keep trying, and never give up.
I have been going through the same thing. The best thing that you can do is to know that today is a brand new day. We aren’t going to be perfect all the time. Hang in there!
It’s so hard when we have this much to lose. I feel the pain. Last week was so hard for me…seeing that 2 lb gain made me want to (and I did) jump head first into something greasy and awful for me. You have to dig through it. Listen to your blog peeps and remember we all support you!
I went through a similar thing recently. I hit a goal that I thought was impossible, and my brain kept snapping me right back into place. I was determined that I was NOT going to go back above that goal, but it kept me from moving on.
Jenny said, “remember what roused you into action in the first place – anger”. Yeah, that was part of what got me unstuck.
I ought to break out notes from a recent brown bag presentation that a friend, Dr. Paul Jenkins did on the subject “Why Do I Do What I Do When I Know What I Know?”. It was stunning to me, and helped me understand how we humans do exactly that.
Seriously, let the emotions run their course then get back out there.
Best wishes,
Joe Average :)
Ok, I said I wasn’t going to hunt anyone down but I am with you. :P I want your weigh in from Monday for the challenge. Comment me or I will bug the heck out of ya :P
I think a little rebellion is normal. I also think sometimes you just gotta do it and who cares if we don’t want to, we just gotta. It was the first thing I was thinking this morning because I’ve been doing the same thing. Even if you hate it right now, just do it. Get back to the basics, find your motivation and repeat it over and over again until you climb out of your funk. Been there, done that, and moving on.
As the days pass without news from Jennifer, I find myself worrying more and more about her. I have written her a letter on my food diary.
If she’s anything like me, she might be trying to get herself sorted out before she blogs again. However, I feel quite strongly that blogging daily, even if just rambling thoughts, will give her the opportunity to work through what’s going on in her head and give us the opportunity to (try to) help.
I just found this blog and think you’ve done fantastically! Where are you? Don’t take too long of a break cause I just found you and I’m selfishly hoping you’ll post some more soon :)
I could have done this…and I could have done that…and I’ll exercise tomorrow….Just one bag of chips and that’s it….I’ve lost count of how many excuses I had made when i decided to lose weight. I know exactly how you feel. But keep at it….I have to thank my boyfrnd and friends who didn’t let me quit…..
Love your blog!
I hear you loud and clear. You seems to going thru what I had. I found solution on product called SlimAlli. You can find it at http://www.slimalli.com . Of course you have to pay attention of what you are eating and get in to some type of exercise rutine.
Slimalli – sounds like Alli – Alli is over the counter Xenical – Xenical is the fat blocker that causes anal leakage – yep, I said it, ANAL LEAKAGE
In my opinion, it’s called being Human. Not one of us is perfect. I’m the first to admit that at times I get plain ‘pissed’ off that I have to work hard at even maintaining weight when those thin counterparts seem to have such freedom and eat what they want – when they want. And…to top it off, many of them don’t exercise. They’re just blessed with a naturally high metabolism I guess.