They Don’t Call it a Confessional For Nothing
I have to tell you… I’ve really been struggling lately.
Struggling not to put food I don’t need to eat into my mouth.
Struggling to make time to add up my calories each day.
Struggling to get off my ass and do some kind of exercise (beyond just walking each day).
Struggling to stick to the stick-to-it-ness that’s kept me going so far.
One of the things I’ve tried really hard to do through out all of this is to not have unrealistic expectations of myself. I know I’m not perfect. I know that I never will be. I know too that expecting perfection from myself will only result in big FAT failure(s). Believe me, I’ve spent a lifetime setting myself up for failure, and I promised myself that this time would be different.
So far, I’ve done pretty well… but lately I’ve been feeling overwhelmed.
It’s tough to keep up with all the work that doing this involves. Between all the writing and tallying and posting and commenting and recording and analyzing and fretting and… well, you get the picture… it’s no wonder I can’t find time to exercise! Or at least, that’s what I’ve been telling myself.
Lately, I’ve been trying to find the *easy* way out of all of this. Ironically, I’ve been trying to figure out a way to lose weight without doing all the stuff that’s helped me lose weight in the first place.
Now, I realize that there are some people out there who don’t *need* to exercise to lose weight. People who don’t *need* to count calories or keep a food diary or to blather on endlessly about this freakishly hard journey. And while I *hate* those people, I also greatly envy them because I am NOT one of those people.
I *do* need those things.
And I *need* to make time for them or I won’t continue to lose weight.
So… to that end, I’ve decided to accept Paola’s gracious invitation to join the “food confessional” where I will attempt to post my daily food diary. I haven’t decided about how to best record my daily exercise, but I know that I have to start doing that too. Further, I know that I need to be better about setting weekly goals and then recording my progress towards them.
*sigh*
I wish I could do this without all the virtual “paper pushing,” as it were, but the hard truth is that I can’t.
It’s funny, but you’d think that this far into it, I’d know more. You’d think that having lost 75lbs, I’d have it all figured out… but I really don’t. In some ways, it still feels as though those 75lbs just sort of came off by accident. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve worked hard for them, but I can’t pin point one or two key things that made it possible.
Here’s what I *think* I know:
I *think* that when I write things down, I am more apt to eat less.
I *think* that if I don’t exercise before 8:00pm, it ain’t happening.
I *think* that my body processes fiber differently than other people.
I *think* that if I don’t get 8 hours of sleep, I suck at saying no to foods I shouldn’t be eating.
I *think* that I can’t just “have a starbucks” once in awhile… I’ve got to quit that stuff cold turkey or it will forever be a problem for me.
I haven’t, however, figured out the following:
How to make exercise a *habit* and not just something that I feel like I am forcing myself to do.
How to wean my husband off of junk food and onto healthier choices.
How to prioritize my time such that creating a healthy life for myself comes first.
How, when I don’t have enough time for everything, to figure out which things I absolutely must do in order to be successful.
If any of you have this all worked out, please… I’d welcome your insight.
In the meantime, I’m giving the confessional a go. I know I won’t be perfect… but right now I’m just shooting for more days when I do the right things than days when I don’t.
