Thanks BikiniMe
I’ve been avoiding blogging since my last entry because this week has been, (in terms of eating and taking good care of myself), a disaster.
I’ve gotten in plenty of steps (I’ll post the pictures another time), but that’s really just because work has been madness and has *required* that I run around like the proverbial chicken with no head… I’ve only actually exercised once this week, and even that was short lived and truly half-hearted.
As for food, well… it’s been ridiculous. And I don’t really have any excuse for it.
I’d love to give you a blow by blow, play by play of all the fattening food I’ve put into my mouth this week, but only bits of it remain in my memory. There’s either been too much to remember or I’ve purposefully blocked the memory. Honestly, it’s probably a bit of both.
Thing is, last week was such a good week for me. Full of successes and victories and things that I was anxious to celebrate. It was, of course, easy to blog about those because it’s always easier to share the things that make us even the teeniest bit proud of ourselves. But this week has been different, so I’ve remained silent, trying to convince myself that I was just too busy to blog… but that’s not really true.
Then I read this post by BikiniMe in which she talks about some terribly personal things that had also been keeping her away from the keyboard. In the post she talks about running across “several blogs that have great beginnings and then *poof*, they’re gone.” And I think she hits the nail on the head when she theorizes that she knows what happened to these bloggers: that after the magical first few weeks when everything seems possible they get “derailed and shamed, unable to write that entry, [until] the blogger slips away and disappears.”
She goes on to say:
So many times I’ve been tempted to do this — just not write about the bad stuff, present only my good, perfect, wonderful, victorious self to you guys because I want to be liked, I want to be admired, I want to be considered an inspiration — but also, I have a tendency to be hard on myself and when I fall down, I tend to think, “Broken! Weak! Imperfect! Not Quite! Less-Than!” and I don’t want to be exposed as an imposter, a party crasher.
BikiniMe’s entry continues in a beautifully brave and personal way… and I would strongly encourage everyone who stumbles upon this entry to go and read hers.
It’s been difficult for me to leave a comment on her post because it’s hard for me to add to what others have said about it without feeling awkward and inadequate. That said, however, the one thing I can do is follow her lead. I’m not, by any means, comparing my situation to hers. But if she can let down her armor and share her story for the sake of keeping the promise to ourselves that we all made when we started these blogs, then so can I.
‘A disaster’, JTF my you are being a half empty bottle?
Fact is you ARE at work and one v. busy bee. It’s not what you’re not doing but what you ARE doing - maintaining your professional life. I say this because, for me, physically it’s been a struggle to stay well, attend and perform at work and found my weight so disabling that a housebound future didn’t seem so far away. I find it hard to imagine another 100 lb on top where I was. Success of the week was that you were AT WORK and ‘running around’ and ‘gotton plenty of steps’. Hold onto the success of last week.
As one of those people that simply disappeared one day after a good start….I totally understand. Thanks for the post, I’ll have to jump over there and read the whole thing. I certainly understand how it happens though. I look back on that time and see how wonderful things were going and then all of a sudden - - I disappeared! I don’t even remember what caused it, or why I stopped - - but I have a feeling it must have been because I had a week like you’re having….you aren’t a disaster - you are still here! I only wish I would have pushed through that point and continued on my journey last fall - just imagine where I might have been today? But lesson learned - I’m going to fight to stick around this time through both the good times and the bad….and I hope that you do too! They can’t all be good weeks….but part of the battle is moving past the bad ones and continuing on. I have no doubt that you are capable of doing just that!
I’ll have to go over and read the post by BikiniMe. But understand the feelings for sure. We all want to report the good…but we all understand that even the best journeys also have hills and bumps that need to be overcome. We shouldn’t be afraid to blog our not so good times. Good job on coming clean. You should feel better about it. We can do this! We’re worth it. Have a great day!
Jenny: You are sweet and cheery and well, I *heart* you! You’re right, I can be a bit of a wet blanket. Thanks for filling my glass back up to the top! :)
Sunny: “They can’t all be good weeks….but part of the battle is moving past the bad ones and continuing on.” You’re so right… but boy, it’s tough to see that when you’re in the middle of it, isn’t it? Thanks for the pat on the back, girl… and welcome back! It’s a great comfort to know that you’re out there.
Dottie: Thanks. You are very right about it being hard to confess to the screw ups. I know I find myself avoiding this place on those days when I haven’t done the right things… and yet, I would never dream of being hard one someone else for stumbling. It’s crazy how little slack we afford ourselves sometimes. Anyway, thanks for stopping by and for taking the time to comment. I truly appreciate your kindness.
j