Is It Weird To Think of People You’ve Never Met as “Friends?”
Blogging is a strange business.
Through it we find ourselves connecting with people who, in real life, we’d likely never bump into. From the comfort of our jammies, our kitchen counters or our favorite chairs, we reach out and touch people who share our interests or who simply find that what *we* have to say provides them, in turn, with something to say as well. And all of this we do without ever *really* connecting at all. I’ll tell you, for someone who wasn’t born in the digital age and who still remembers rotary phones, typewriters and buying her first 33 1/3 record, all of this cyber roaming continues to represent a very particular and powerful magic.
Lately, I’ve been reading the blogs of people who I’ve grown to care about. (In a totally healthy, non-stalker kind of way, of course). :) Bloggers upon bloggers who have spent the last week or so eating right, counting their calories/points to the very last decimal and exercising enough to make Richard Simmons beg for mercy. And yet… weigh in day arrived and so did all of the weight they’d brought with them *last* week. Amount lost? None. Zip. Zero. Needless to say, frustration followed.
Here’s the thing. I haven’t been blogging very long. What I know about these women or, indeed, about any of the people behind the blogs that I follow on a daily basis, is, admittedly, pretty limited. And yet I’m saddened by their disappointment. I’m pissed off by the fact that they’ve worked so hard without seeing the results they deserve. I’m anxious because I don’t want this week’s frustration to cause them to give up on themselves. And I desperately wish I knew a few magic words that could help make it all better.
All of this emotion channeled towards people who don’t even know my first name. (It’s Jennifer, by the way).
Perhaps it’s because here we all are, slicing through the black, and letting the light shine on what is, likely, the most vulnerable part of ourselves. I mean, I don’t know about you, but I would *never* be brave enough to tell the people in my daily life, the people who I actually see every day, the truth about what I weigh. Sure… they know I’m fat. They have eyes, right? But, I’d never be able to say that number out loud to them. I’d never be able to talk about how being fat makes me feel. I’d never, ever consider exposing the still very raw wounds that being overweight has left on me. And I’d never feel comfortable talking about how hard I work every single day just in the hopes that I’ll be able to squeeze off one single pound of myself by the end of the week. And yet, here I am, and here we all are, doing all that, and so much more.
How could I not have a soft spot in my heart for people who show that much courage — even if I never actually get to shake their hands?
Anyway… we all know what it’s like to spend a week or a month or (heaven forbid) more struggling to do the right thing, fighting our natural instincts and pushing ourselves and our bodies to do things that we never dreamed we could do, only to be disappointed by the results. Deep down, of course, we all know that this is just a part of the process. We know that there’s few steadfast rules to this funny old game and that, in the end, the way our bodies work is far more complicated than some simple formula of calories eaten and calories burned. But it’s not much consolation when the scale gives us the middle finger, is it?
Honestly, I don’t really know where I’m going with all of this except to say that I’ve gotten so much from everyone who has stopped by here and offered me their support, kindness, and for lack of a better term, friendship. Losing weight is so hard. But doing it entirely on your own, with no one to bounce ideas off of, with no one to share you successes, failures and yes, frustrating moments of stagnation, is nearly impossible. Luckily, we don’t have to.
So… keep up the good fight, girls (and guys!)
Not one of us is in this alone.








Wow. You are the second blog that has made my cry with a shout-out.
Friend, rest assured, I AM NOT GIVING UP. I loved the image of the scale giving me the middle finger. And did it discourage me? No. It made me angry and determined.
It’s nice to meet you, Jennifer. And you are brave. It doesn’t matter if I have met you, I know you. I was telling a story the other day about a fellow blogger and referred to her simply as “my friend.” And that’s what we’re doing here – making friends who share our struggles.
Your words did make it better. Thank you very much.
Hi Jennifer!
I second what Krissie said — second shout out today that’s made me tear up (in a good way!) so THANKS. And I’m not giving up either! Despite the plateau I was back in Spinning class tonight, sweat pouring down my face and neck and it felt goooood.
Also? Totally not weird to think of blog buddies as friends. I call lots of my blog buddies friends even though I’d never met them. My theory is once people know how much you weigh and don’t tease you about it — they’re automatically friends.
JENNIFER!!
Wow, thanks for mentioning me among your list of bloggers. I’m so touched. It is pretty amazing that we’ve all found each other through the wonder that is the internet and somehow, within such a short amount of time, built up a strong support system.
It’s interesting how we can open up to complete strangers but wouldn’t dare discuss our issues with the people closest to us. But I like this sort of anonymity because it’s liberating and we know that whatever we say, whatever demons we’re battling, others have battled them too and no one is here to judge.
By the way, I too have never told anyone my weight in numbers. Even though they are not as high as yours, I too feel the same sort of fear and shame and would never discuss my weight loss journey with people I know.
Thanks so much for being there for me. I love getting your comments. And yes, hang in there, girl! We’re all in this together!
Hello Jennifer! Blogging has got to be one of the best things ever invented. I have found so much love, inspiration, acceptance, friendship and joy in blogging.
Despite my scale woes, there is absolutely no way I’m taking my eyes off my goal. I will do this. I have dug deep and found more than I ever knew existed. And I’m going to keep on digging. For the first time in my life, being healthy, getting fit and losing weight is not merely a dream, it’s an achievable goal. And my friends in the computer have a lot to do with that.
Excellent post! So well put. I feel the same way–I’ve only been blogging for a month or so, but feel more connected to a lot of the people I’ve cyber-met than I do with people I see irl. I think it does have a lot to do with letting one’s guard down and being real.
Anyway, keep up the good posts! I’m enjoying meeting you and seeing how you’re doing.
Kathy
Krissie, Alice and FatBridesMaid: You guys rock and I *know* you’re not giving up… I just know what it feels like to work hard and have everything in your life EXCEPT the scale cooperate. When FBM said she wanted to throw the scale out the window, believe me, I could feel her pain. When Alice said she thought she’d cry if the scale said the same number again, I thought “fuck me, have I ever been there.” And when Krissie wanted to scream out of frustration, my throat ached for her. But what’s more important, I think, is that each time you guys refuse to wallow in self pity… each time you drive past the drive thru and channel your frustration into something positive, it motivates me to do the same. Anyway… loss or gain, I’m so proud of each of you. Thanks so much for allowing me to think of you as “friends.”
Hanlie: your positive attitude is a true inspiration! “For the first time in my life, being healthy, getting fit and losing weight is not merely a dream, it’s an achievable goal.” I’m telling you, girl, I feel the same way! It’s a great feeling, isn’t it??
Kathie: You are so right. Truth is, there’s probably a lot of reasons why this type of “connecting” works, but whatever the reason(s), I’m so thankful for it and for people like you who have welcomed me into this community of brave souls.
Cheers everyone!
j
Wonderful post! …. I share the same feelings.
Hi Jennifer, nice to meet you! Honestly I can say that blogging has changed my life. I feel such a connection to so many people. I’ve had an outpouring of love and support from people all over the world. I have to agree with Hanlie, I think blogging is a great invention!!
Just knowing that there are other people fighting the same fight, battling right along side of me….yeah, it keeps me going many days when I just want to give up. I do have a lot to thank the whole blogging world for. I sometimes almost feel semi-normal.
Jennifer, so nice to be officially on a first name basis. I am Lisa, you cyber friend! I can also say that you are the type of person I would want to be friends with in the “real” world too. I can feel your compassion and warmth in your every post and I am glad to have you and other diet blogger buddies!